The Shattered Dream of a Jedi

by Kayla (

Rating: PG

Archive: Go ahead Eiluned.

Disclaimers: Mine! MINE! George, they are MINE! Kayla reads the fine print that the Lucasfilm lawyers hold up. JH sibs watch as Kayla runs away with Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan....

Author's Notes: My god! Run away! Mom wrote a sad story! Eeeeeek! :)

Summary: A Jedi comes to terms with the will of the Force.

The doors to the council chamber slowly closed. "No. I can't allow this."

"But Depa, please. Understand. He has already been briefed, he knows the situation." Mace Windu walked along slowly with his former padawan at his side. Perhaps the rumors of Qui-Gon and she were true. "It will be a quick escort mission."

"I don't like it. Mace." She stopped for her words to take full effect, "The Force is telling me this is wrong. Something is wrong here. Let me go too."

"Absolutely not."


"Because, you are not a skilled warrior. Your talents lie in healing, not fighting. We will inform Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan today that they are to handle this completely. They will escort the party back."

"Then let Adi Gallia go. She told me she has been pulled from Senate duty for a rest. She offered to go with them."

Mace Windu carefully studied Depa. Her heart sank, she knew the response before he even said it.

"It is the Will of The Force that Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan Kenobi go to ...."

She put up her hand, "I know. I do not wish to discuss it anymore." She turned on her heel, and walked quickly to her quarters.

"In love with him, she is." Yoda small voice came from behind Mace.


"Told you did she of her dream?"


"Unfortunate this is. My padawan he is still to me."

"Yes. It is." Mace paused. "He was my friend."


On the way to her rooms, Depa ran into Adi.

"Well?" Adi asked.

"Well, what?" Depa looked at her friend.

"What did the old grump say?"

"He won't let you or I go. Says its the Will of the Force."

Adi sighed. Her friend had not been sleeping well, the dreams of Qui-Gon had seen to that. For all its wonderful and great qualities, The Force sure had some bad points as well. "Look." She stopped Depa and spun her to face her. "I can sneak off planet, just show up, as it were." She smiled.

"No." Depa spoke firmly, "Mace will throw you off the council. They do not appreciate it when you go behind their backs. They will do it. And you know he wanted Master Baheri on the council before you."

"Oh I can handle him." She smiled. "Its up to you."

"No, its up to the Force."

"You are beginning to sound like them" Adi was watching the fire die in her friends eyes. She didn't like it. Depa was always so full of life. "You tell me what you need, I will do it."


"Yes?" Adi and Depa turned to see a padawan running up to them. "The council is reconvening, Masters Yoda and Mace require your presence immediately."

"Thank you." Adi spoke and the padawan smiled and ran off. "Always in a hurry that one is. Come on, let's go."

They walked in silence, each knowing why the council had re-convened at this late hour.

When they reached the chamber, they saw an outline of a small boy standing in the midst of the Council of Twelve. Depa looked to the side, and saw Qui-Gon. Her heart grew cold.


"But its only a mission, I will be back." Qui-Gon continued to pack his belongings. "I will be back, stop worrying so." He looked at his love.

Depa responded, "I have this terrible feeling."

He stopped packing and looked up at her, walking toward her, he pulled her into his arms. "What is it? You haven't been yourself in days."

"Something is going to happen, I can feel it." She said into his robes.

He held her back, and pushed the hair from her face. "I will be fine." he smiled. "Remember, I am the best swordsmen in the order." He struck a pose. It had no effect on her. "Depa, this isn't like you." he frowned.

"Please, promise me...."

"Anything, my love."

"Promise me you will not leave Obi-Wan's side."

Qui-Gon smiled, "Don't trust me hmmmmm....." he laughed.

"Please." she was close to tears.

"Hush." he held her close again. "Hush. I promise."

She clung to him. Never wanting to let her go. He released her, holding her in his arms gently. "I love you, Depa. Nothing will happen to me, okay?" he leaned down, and kissed her gently then. She completed the kiss, and soon he was pushing her back towards his bed. "Wanna play space pirate before I go?" he grinned, as he removed her robe.

She laughed, and melted against him. "Anything for you, my love."


A few hours later, Qui-Gon Jinn was running around his quarters, "Damn. Where is the repair kit."

She held it up for him.

"Thanks." He smiled at her, "What would I do without you?"

"Be on time, for one thing." She smiled back.

He laughed, "True, but it was worth it." He walked over and kissed her passionately.

"Just remember," she said as she broke the kiss, "What would I do without you?"

"Get some sleep at night." he winked. "I have to go. Obi-Wan is ready."

Her mind screamed out in torment: STAY! DON'T GO! Qui-Gon looked at her with a furrowed brow. She shook her head, "No. You must return. You are aware of the threat. You must return. It is the Will of the Force."


Qui-Gon laid his hand on her cheek, and pulled her forward, kissing her on the forehead. "When I return, I will be here at your side. Forever, my love."

Depa smiled. "Peaceful journey to you, my love."

A door opened behind them, "Master?" Obi-Wan waited patiently for his Master to acknowledge him. Qui-Gon turned. "We are ready to depart for Naboo."

Qui-Gon nodded, and turned again to Depa. "A word from you, and I will remain here."

She shook her head, not trusting her own voice. "Go."

"Goodbye," he smiled as he took her hand in his. "I will see you on my return."

With that, Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan Kenobi bowed and took their leave.

As the door shut, Depa spoke silently, her heart breaking, a barely audible whisper to the door, "Please don't go, my love...."



The Jedi Council of 12 were being escorted to Naboo. They had all reviewed the report from Obi-Wan, but none read it as much as Depa did. "WHY???????" she had collapsed into Adi's arms after her fourteenth review.

Four standard hours later, and they were on final approach to Naboo. How could she face Obi-Wan? He let him die. She couldn't get past the fact that he was alive, and her love was not. It wasn't fair. It just was not fair!

"Loved him, you did."

She jumped.

Yoda sat, chewing on his gimmer stick, "What?" she was still lost in her thoughts.

"Loved him, you did."

"Yes. I did, Master." She turned back to the transport's window, the Palace of Theed in the distance. Soon there would be dignitaries to greet, condolences to share, and Obi-Wan to face. None of the Masters but Adi had come near her since the report from Obi-Wan had been delivered.

"Loved him too, Obi-Wan did. Grieve for him, he does." He let his words sink in. "Loved him I did, as a son. As my padawan. The Will of the Force it was, Master Depa."

Depa's back straightened. She knew what he meant, she did.

"Landing soon, we will be. Qui-Gon's padawan, will be there. Qui-Gon's only family, we all were. Be there for Obi-Wan, I will."

Yoda slid off the chair, and headed to the ships doors.

Depa hung her head, and silently sobbed.


They were planning a celebration, Naboo was free again. She has been through all these things before.

The door silently opened behind her. "Yes?" No answer, she spun around, if one more diplomat was coming in to express his "sincere and heartfelt loss' she was going to scream.

"I'm sorry, I did not wish to disturb you."

"Its all right, Knight Kenobi. Please come in."

"Thank you." Obi-Wan stood, staring at his feet.

Depa watched him for a moment. Grief was nearly etched into every inch of this boy.. this man. She sighed. She walked over to him, and took him in his arms.

"I loved him." Obi-Wan cried softly.

"I loved him too, Obi-Wan." Depa said quietly.

"I should have made it. I could have ran faster." Obi-Wan's whole body wracked with sobs.

"It is not your fault." she paused, and held him back. "It was the Will of the Force."

They held each other while the fireworks rang out through the open window, in the night air.

The End