And The Winner Is?
Okay, this is all the fault of my friends on SUJE. If Jamie can write GJR, I
can write slash. Well - almost.
Disclaimer: These characters are so not mine. The people they do belong to
would be shocked at this, I'm sure. You know the drill - insert an actual
serious disclaimer in this space.
Rating: PG-13, I suppose, though I don't know if I'd share it with my almost
Archive: Gulp. Yeah. SUJE, Joxerotica, TRIS. Would anyone else even want
Pairing: Joxer and damn near everyone!
Summary: I dunno. Jox dreams. It's not that long of a story, really, to
Joxer knew he was dreaming. It was a familiar dream - an old favorite.
Gabrielle was kissing him passionately, rubbing her body against his as he
responded in kind. I know this is a dream, because this only happens
"Gabrielle." Joxer looked up at the Warrior Princess. Oh, gods, he'd had
this dream before too. More like a nightmare. Xena and the bard would go
off together, without him, sighing about them being soul mates, pawing all
over each other.
"Gabrielle, you can't have Joxer, he's mine."
"Huh?" the blonde woman said, standing.
"You've never appreciated him, and I do. I know what he's capable of, and
how strong his heart is. I've thought about it ever since he thought I was
Meg, and kissed me the way he did. It took my breath away, and," Xena pulled
the tall man to his feet and looked deeply in his eyes, "I've always
wondered what else he could do with that wonderful tongue of his." The
warrior woman pressed her body against Joxer, and took him with a kiss that
was as forceful and passionate as the woman giving it. After a moment's
frozen shock, he melted against her, returning the passion.
When they separated in order to breathe, Joxer noticed something almost
feral in Xena's eyes. "See, Gabrielle," she went on, a bit breathlessly, "he
's very talented. He's brave and loyal and soft and sweet, but," she ran her
hand over the front of his pants, causing him to jump, "hard in all the
right places. You don't deserve him, the way you've treated him."
He heard Gabby sputtering, groping for a response, while Xena just continued
groping. He knew he had a silly grin on his face, but he couldn't help it.
The two most beautiful women he knew and they were fighting over him!
A noisy flash drew their attention. "Get you hands off him, woman!" The war
god glared at his former protégé.
"Go to hell, Ares. I don't belong to you anymore, and you have no say in
what or who I do," Xena snarled defensively, stepping back from the
suddenly weak-kneed wanna-be and putting her hand on her chakram.
"You can do whatever you damn well please, Xena. I'm not stupid, and I've
finally given up on you. But he's mine." The three mortals all stood agape
in stunned silence. "What, you're surprised I can appreciate loyalty as well
as you can? Even once you convinced him to hate all I did, he still prayed
to me, because I was his god. He's never turned away, never asked me for
anything out of selfishness, but simply worshipped me for what I am. Even a
god wants to be appreciated." The dark sensual Olympian had moved to stand
beside Joxer, running his fingers over his chest and neck while the pale man
gasped for air, his entire body on overload. This is something I never even
dared to dream about before, Joxer sighed. The god stepped behind him and
pulled his helpless body against his hard chest, dropping his head to nibble
on Joxer's neck.
"Ohhhh," the mortal moaned. Then he felt someone pull him from Ares'
embrace, and he almost moaned again at the absence of the warmth.
"It's ok, Jox, I'll save ya," the familiar voice assured him.
I wasn't in any danger. Let me go back.
"Listen you big ox, just 'cos you're a god doesn't mean you get first dibs
on every nice ass that comes along," Joxer's savior growled.
"Auto??" Xena, Joxer and Gabrielle all chorused together.
The King of Thieves blushed. "Hey, he kinda grows on you. After the last
time we were together, I found myself thinking of him - a lot. Sure,
beautiful women are great, but sometimes, a guy wants a guy around. Not just
for chatting, either, if ya get my drift." The thief leered at Joxer, who
gulped. "I'm too much man for one woman, why should I restrict myself to one
"Listen, pipsqueak, I can fix it so you won't have to worry about things
like that anymore. Nobody wants a guy who lost all his vital parts in
battle, you know?" Ares towered over the thief, who gulped.
"Uh, listen, y'know, maybe I could make it up in trade. Surely the god of
war could use something stolen or relocated for his purposes?" Ares took
another step toward the thief and growled. Xena pulled her chakram, and
Gabrielle her sais. A musical sparkle signaled another god on the scene.
"Chill, all of you. This aggression business is like, so uncool." Aphrodite
smiled sweetly, and got in her brother's face. "You expect to win a guy
whose heart is pure by killing any competitors?" She looked around at all of
them, her eyes ending on Joxer's confused face. "His heart is pure, you
know. NO one knows that better than I do." She walked seductively to stand
before him, and every eye there was drawn to her hips as they swayed. "It'd
be tough to find anyone deserving of a heart so pure. Anyone except the
goddess of love, maybe." Her eyes held his, and promise beckoned from them.
This is a dream; it's only a dream. Keep your cool Joxer, just a dream.
Aphrodite's voice answered him in his head. Oh, yeah, sweetcheeks, it is
only a dream, but there's a lot more truth to it than you know. Joxer
gulped, and as he stared at the love goddess, she nodded slightly. Another
sparkle broke the tension, and 'Dite rolled her eyes, turning. "I thought I
told you - Strife?"
The late god of mischief giggled. Xena frowned and took a step forward. "You
're dead, aren't you?"
"Hey, Tartarus can get boring, y'know? Unc an' me, we got an arrangement - I
jus' don't take advantage of his generosity much. But when I saw a bunch of
ya fightin' over this guy, I had to come stake a claim." Strife's eyes
sparkled. "He's always been one of my fav mortals. He can cause more trouble
without meanin' to than I could with a full-blown plan. He's like, my
successor or sumthin' So I keep an eye on him. When I saw all of ya had your
eyes on him, too, I thought I'd better check it out." The mischief god
elbowed the goddess of love out of the way, ignoring her irritated grunt.
Taking Joxer's hand, he looked into the man's startled face. "I prob'ly don'
t stand a chance with ya, bein' like, dead and all, but I wanted ya to know
I cared." The god placed a tender kiss on the warm mortal lips.
Joxer could feel the dream slipping away, and his body waking. He wondered
idly if he'd remember this when he woke up. It was quite possibly the best
dream he'd ever had.
Aphrodite stormed up to the waiting god and stomped her foot. "What the hell
was Strife doing there?" she demanded.
Morpheus shrugged. "Not my fault, 'Dite. He just appeared. Maybe your boy
Joxer has some dreams even you don't know about. And how come you got to
go, while I had to stay here, anyway?"
The love goddess conjured up a chair and sat down, crossing her legs and
swinging her foot. "We went through this before, Morph. I don't have the
talent to control that many shared dreams at once. And with any luck,
tomorrow at least one of them will wake up and act on what they were
dreaming about." Her smile widened. "And if they don't, well, I might just
claim him after all."
"What will Heph say?" the dream god wondered.
"I've had pet mortals before, and he's never minded. Besides, that one I
probably could share with Heph, too. He's such a cutie." She looked through
the scrying mirror at the waking warrior. "But, damn - Strife?"